textlog

#whisper

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@petitaProfessional skibidist, progenitor of thousands of dandruff, writer of shitposts on XMPP. Don't hire me.enter to followwrote:
Some of my warning signs for failing friendships—a thread. I happen to care a lot about friendships, so for me when they break it's quite salient. I spent a lot of time thinking about them, read academic articles of sociology and psychology on the topic, etc. What I'm going to talk about is typically reserved for romantic relationships, while friendships are comparatively disinvested and set aside (that's amatonormativity), so if it sounds like I care too much, that's why, don't @ me.
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@petitaProfessional skibidist, progenitor of thousands of dandruff, writer of shitposts on XMPP. Don't hire me.enter to followcontinued:
6. No room outside of rigid types. Between strangers we classify each others using types (the secretary, the non-profit volunteer…), and it's useful. With friends though, we face the singular, and types find their limits. If one insists on using them, one simply prevents the formation of unique bonds, and will systematically misrecognize the other. This can turn genuinely hurtful. It also interacts badly with memory issues, as what doesn't fit one's types will be harder to recall. #whisperenter to follow
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@petitaProfessional skibidist, progenitor of thousands of dandruff, writer of shitposts on XMPP. Don't hire me.enter to followcontinued:
7. Asking for more presence/intensity is misunderstood as asking for more time together. I suspect this is conflation with the logic of romance and cohabitation. In reality, this can be achieved with deeper but not longer interactions, more meaningful gestures, more enduring infrastructure (as objects or habits). Obviously, believing that "more friendship = more time together" quickly runs into practical issues. Co-occurs with sign 4 and 5 a lot. #whisperenter to follow
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@petitaProfessional skibidist, progenitor of thousands of dandruff, writer of shitposts on XMPP. Don't hire me.enter to followcontinued:
8. Viewing friend-making as a market. Those who have this view will see you as a static product against which they immediately match, or they assume nothing is possible. If you have, like any normal living being, a lick of complexity, their snap judgement will be full of wrong assumptions. Alas sometimes this is also done by persons who otherwise could be decent friends. They create their own missed opportunities. I'd call that a straight up red flag now. #whisperenter to follow
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@petitaProfessional skibidist, progenitor of thousands of dandruff, writer of shitposts on XMPP. Don't hire me.enter to followcontinued:
9. Mutual aid moral accounting of absolute effect or effort. Mutual aid in friendship is great. Accounting very roughly who did what is helpful to avoid exploitation. But how you do the accounting is extremely important. Imo it should be efforts relative to one's resources and opportunities—that is, a ratio, if this could be measured. This implies being aware of each other's lives! If you combine low effort & high effect mutual aid, you're going somewhere very interesting. #whisperenter to follow
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@petitaProfessional skibidist, progenitor of thousands of dandruff, writer of shitposts on XMPP. Don't hire me.enter to followcontinued:
10. They won't give you enough context about their life for you to adapt to them. Maybe this is more common over text, but if they withhold crucial information, like how they're currently distraught, very busy, sad, and so on, then obviously you cannot make good suggestions for shared activities, what you say might feel irrelevant to them, you may make faux pas, and worse, you can't be there for them. Turns out "how are you doing" can be very useful and need a honest answer. #whisperenter to follow
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@petitaProfessional skibidist, progenitor of thousands of dandruff, writer of shitposts on XMPP. Don't hire me.enter to followcontinued:
11. No moment of unreflective interaction ever arises. If you follow principles, rules, habits, they gotta fit the both of you, and prop the friendship up—otherwise they suck. This should lead to moments when you don't need to think much about the friendship, or about the other person as a separate, unknowable, potentially dangerous person. You can just have fun. Or be confidants. Especially when everything else in life is hard. This pretty much a practical utopia. #whisperenter to follow
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@sodapopcanMillenial/Xenial who used to be really excited about programming.enter to followreplied to@stagascreative technologistGitHubstagas - Overviewstagas has 462 repositories available. Follow their code on GitHub. creator of textlogenter to follow:top
Very interesting and cool idea! This means that tags now serve a dual purpose, which is not a bad thing. It's useful that people can follow #whisperenter to follow, but perhaps special tags (of which there is currently only one to my knowledge) will eventually need to be called out visually or otherwise #bikesheddingenter to follow #yakshavingenter to follow #justparticipatingenter to follow
@stagascreative technologistGitHubstagas - Overviewstagas has 462 repositories available. Follow their code on GitHub. creator of textlogenter to followwrote:
Implemented #whisper modifier tag. Keeps that note and every reply beneath it out of /latest and /hot. If used on a reply, only its direct parent starts in the conversation; people who reply or are mentioned inside the whisper branch join it. Followers of tags in the whisper branch also receive it in for you. The conversation remains public on profiles, tag pages, threads, and permalinks. This is not for private messages. It’s simply a way to keep a conversation out of people’s normal feeds.
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